THE INGENIOUS PLAN that like the plans of mice FAILED - so with the prospect of b33na going into newcross to collect student essays - and with the prospect of me schlepping over to ladywell to pick up two prescriptions ... one each ... and neither of use really wanting but having to the brilliant b33na suggested we both go to newcross on the train and have a few pints in the marquis ... then catch one of the four per hour trains from newcross down to ladywell where i would pick up drugs and we would get a taxi home - a diamond studded cunning plan which seemed as ideal as possible - then b33na suggested taking bill on the adventure (the first chink of weakness) and i agreed to take him knowing that he likes trains and pubs - so with PLAN A agreed we dressed and got ready to leave - i wore my new coat expecting to be too warm but as per the weather forecast b33na only wore an over-cardigan which we both thought would be fine ... another chink! - it started raining lightly as we walked up to Lee station and we guessed it would die off again as per the forecast - major crack appearing - it rained steadily at Lee and we hid in the ticket office - the train came on time (unusual for Lee) but by the time we embarked it was raining heavily - by the time we got to newcross it was pissing down and we walked to the marquis as quick as possible with b33na leaving me in charge of bill and the pub part of the adventure as she went into goldsmiths to pick up the essays - the first definite flaw in plan A came as i went to the bar and the landlord told me no dogs were allowed - i acted surprised as i was surprised and he asked me how long i was going to stay - a couple of pints (thinking i would be outside in the rain waiting for b33na) and he assented - he is wary of people getting legless and allowing the dogs free reign in the pub - so i thanked him and took bill and a pint and the guardian to a table and sat there feeling uncomfortable about the no dogs problem - sat waiting expecting one pint to finish and get out of there - so i read and sipped and read and sipped and managed to keep to one pint while b33na was delayed first by one of her students and then more spectacularly by Debbie Custard - b33nas supervisor who wanted to chat about everything having been away from goldsmiths for a week with flu - I love pubs, bill loves pubs, but being there on a promise and expecting b33na back at any moment i hung on reading and sipping feeling very out of place - and so after over an hhour for a five minute job b33na joined me in the marquis and we set to to see what advantage we could gain from the shredded remnants of PLAN A - if b33na came down to ladywell with me she would get very wet but moreover bill would get very wet and trying to convince a taxi driver of the merits of "wet dog" odour would be a tough call - even from martini cabs with whom bill has travelled before - we decided that i would go to ladywell on my own and leave b33na to get the train back to Lee and home whilst getting wet - in the marquis our options were somewhat curtailed as bill was not supposed to be there and having another pint might be misconstrued and regard the weather, all we could do is wait for it to clear up - so train plans agreed we took what looked like a lull in the rain to go back to newcross station and split up as planned - i got a fresh train to ladywell leaving robyn to wait undercover for the train to Lee - things seemed to have picked up when leaving ladywell station the rain had abated somewhat so i went to the hospital pharmacy to pick up our pills - this didn't take long and knowing martini cabs take a bit of time i went back across the road to "the coach and horses" to have a pint and call the taxi - oh oh oh! i had left my mobile at home - yuk what next? so i called b33na mobile and asked her to book a cab for me - she was just about to alight at Lee by this time and promised to get me the cab - i sat near the door with my pint and left it a few minutes to pub-phone back and check things were going ok - !!cab in 20-30 minutes!! ok - time passed - i was sat so i could see out the window and smoked and sipped and read the paper all patience and virtue until the second pint and then the third i figured i better call b33na to check up on martini cabs - b33na called them and their computers had crashed so i was back on the end of the pile - the table i sat at is virtually owned in the evening by balkan builders and as it was poets day the started turning up and looking at me at their table like a poodle had shat in their favourite seat - still drinking and now profoundly uncomfortable on the builders property i managed to shift to another table and heard "taxi for laur3nce!"
yes please! - and it was all so brilliant at the start
posted by Laur3nce at 5:27 PM

Friday, March 07, 2003

today i discovered that i can hypnotize swinging pocket watches just by staring deeply into them
posted by Laur3nce at 6:36 PM

Beans on toes puzzles police excellent shifty stuff
posted by Laur3nce at 12:36 PM

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Pom Pon
posted by Laur3nce at 12:00 PM

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

MACKIE MESSER
Bert Brecht/Kurt Weill
Und der Haifisch, der hat Zähne
Und die trägt er im Gesicht
Und MacHeath, der hat ein Messer
Doch das Messer sieht man nicht.

2. Ach, es sind des Haifischs Flossen
Rot, wenn dieser Blut vergießt!
Mackie Messer trägt 'n Handschuh
Drauf man keine Untat liest.

3. An der Themse grünem Wasser
Fallen plötzlich Leute um!
Es ist weder Pest noch Cholera
Doch es heißt: MacHeath geht um.

4. An 'nem schönen blauen Sonntag
Liegt ein toter Mann am Strand
Und ein Mensch geht um die Ecke
Den man Mackie Messer nannt.

5. Und Schmul Meier bleibt verschwunden
Und so mancher reiche Mann
Und sein Geld hat Mackie Messer
Dem man nichts beweisen kann.

6. Jenny Fowler ward gefunden
Mit 'nem Messer in der Brust
Und am Kai geht Mackie Messer
Der von allem nichts gewußt.

7. Wo ist Alfons Glite, der Fuhrherr?
Kommt das je ans Sonnenlicht?
Wer es immer wissen könnte
Mackie Messer weiß es nicht.

8. Und das große Feuer in Soho
Sieben Kinder und ein Greis
In der Menge Mackie Messer, den
Man nicht fragt und der nix weiß.

9. Und die minderjährige Witwe
Deren Namen jeder weiß
Wachte auf und war geschändet
Mackie, welches war dein Preis?

10. Und die Fische, sie verschwinden,
Doch zum Kummer des Gerichts
Man zitiert am End den Haifisch,
Doch der Haifisch weiß von nichts

11. Und er kann sich nicht erinnern
Und man kann nicht an ihn ran,
Denn ein Haifisch ist kein Haifisch
Wenn man nicht beweisen kann.


posted by Laur3nce at 8:42 PM

London's Subterranean River Fleet
posted by Laur3nce at 2:06 PM

Saturday, March 01, 2003

hey hey its my birthday - 37 years of miserable scratchings in the dust - we'll be slumming it with the food louts of the northbrook arms - me wearing my new outfit black and black and baggy and black with a hood - heads up!
posted by Laur3nce at 12:45 PM

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