i want to write a story about a man with a cheese head

he puts his head in a press squeezing out all the whey and then sits in a cellar for it to mature all blue veiny for two years

but the remarkable thing about this is the transitions that occurred in his personal relationships while this was going on so that will be the majority of this text

his friend graham phoned quite soon to say that he was leaving his job and moving from the district - taking his monty python humour with him. the mans' fiancee (we will call her joan) tries to explain that he has his head in a press to remove the whey and cannot meet up for a last drink before graham leaves. obviously a little pre-occupied with moving house, graham says that he will call again later. he does not for another year and six months.

his friend alice calls round to the house and is shown into the kitchen by joan where the man has his head in a press and a bowl of whey dripped out of his nose. alice seems unperturbed and without pausing to ask him how he is embarks on a long exposition of half truths regarding her own relationship with her mother. her mother is not allowing alice to grow up, it is said. there are many house rules she must observe and her mother vets the clothes that she leaves the house in. the man explains that change is natural and in fact he is changing himself but alice is off on one about how change should be respected and fails to acknowledge the change the man is going through at all before she leaves on account of being late for her piano lessons.

in the near empty kitchen there is the drip of whey into the bowl and occasional sighs then joan comes in to cook spaghetti and pesto for tea. "is this the right thing to do?" the man asks her and she replies that according to the books it is right if you have a cheese head. he feels comforted and sighs less. at midnight he hyperventilates in the echoing kitchen, but this is normal.
one day his mother and father arrive to see joan in the hall about to leave. she has to go to her violin lessons but says it is fine to visit the man and he is down in the cellar maturing. the parents discuss whether it is right for parents to interfere in the maturing process. they decide to open the hatch in the kitchen and shout down to their son "how is it all going?" he replies that they shouldn't worry and that it is all really rather boring. undeterred they lie on the kitchen floor and reach down with long spoons, each taking a small lump of the mans head and eating it. "yuk" says the father, "yuk" says the mother. they agree there is some way to go yet and leave forthwith.

his friend graham phones and speaks to joan asking the man out for a drink as graham is in the district on business. joan points out that the man is in the cellar and will likely be there for another six months or so. then graham asks joan if she would like to come for a drinks but joan explains that it would be a bit unfair and asks graham to the house saying he can see the man through the hatch at least. graham declines explaining that he is too drunk to drive

joan hands the man down his tangle of spaghetti that night and as a treat for afters a little bowl of cranberry jam

alice came back to the house and in a flood of tears brushed past joan and hurled herself down the cellar hatch weeping into the mans knees. "whatever is the matter?" asks the man and alice explains that this afternoon she must sit her grade two flute exam.
at this he cuffs her around the head and says "go and take the grade and in six weeks when the examination board send the result then maybe it is time to cry, you are too young for this misery!" so she gathers herself and leaves for the music school.

his parents visit again and this time they sit upstairs with joan having tea. "high hopes" says his father "great cheese" says his mother - they seem somewhat embarrased. "he is doing fine" says joan, proffering more sandwiches

later she climbs down into the cellar and hugs the man. "not long to go now, love" she tells him

to get back to the cheese making part of this story i might point out that in the end his head had great flavour but some people found it a slightly chalky consistency

posted by Laur3nce at 4:00 PM

Tuesday, October 02, 2001

did i blog this before? The Avalanches strangely familiar
posted by Laur3nce at 6:24 PM

B3TA : FEATURES : TOP 10 ODD IMAGES sorry but its worth it
posted by Laur3nce at 6:14 PM

kill your friends and see who gets killed most
posted by Laur3nce at 6:11 PM

[lomographic.net] cool lomo action
posted by Laur3nce at 6:04 PM

Then They Came for me - Postal Workers 4 brainiac
posted by Laur3nce at 5:49 PM

677 images from "sponges" - new layer of absurdity hits the web !
posted by Laur3nce at 2:28 PM

Google Image Result page 28
posted by Laur3nce at 2:24 PM

Google Image Result lower down
posted by Laur3nce at 2:22 PM

Google Image Result for more fun in the garden - new features on google!
posted by Laur3nce at 2:12 PM

Gbloogle Search uk blogs - except mine!
posted by Laur3nce at 8:35 AM

Furbeowulf Cluster Computing - build your own supercomputer!
posted by Laur3nce at 8:09 AM

Monday, October 01, 2001

Tabernacles you see what i'm doing here?
posted by Laur3nce at 9:02 AM

Give Water keep on clicking
posted by Laur3nce at 8:56 AM

ingrid is also a good name for a hamster - you can measure the originality of things you say using google - next time you say "la la la ping pong" search for it on the web and if like "pingulepithicus" nothing comes back you can then copyright the thought and make millions
posted by Laur3nce at 8:43 AM

Motion of a Ping-Pong
posted by Laur3nce at 8:28 AM

NoEntropy.net non-random numbers
posted by Laur3nce at 6:38 AM

random.org - true random number service
posted by Laur3nce at 6:37 AM

Common Plug Types Used Around the World
posted by Laur3nce at 6:28 AM

Suds in Space
posted by Laur3nce at 6:24 AM

robotic chicken meal
posted by Laur3nce at 6:20 AM

using piss
posted by Laur3nce at 6:10 AM

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